When I asked several hundred women recently, "What's your single biggest challenge to fully living as a Bodacious Woman?" one resounding response I heard was, "More confidence!" Now, I'm sure men feel this way, too. It's just that as women we seem to more openly admit it and, frankly, sometimes, we're our own worst enemy.
Here's an example. Not long ago I read an article with the headline "Female Judge: 'I'm Still Learning.'" It turns out that after 215 years, a woman has finally been appointed a federal judge in Richmond, Va. Good for her! But, here's what bothered me. When answering one of the reporter's questions, she said, "I'm still learning what it's going to be like. It never occurred to me that I would end up being a judge."
Oh, no, don't say that! These words don't exude confidence that she knows what she's doing, which is especially important in such a public role. And it ended up in the headline! Unfortunately, the article didn't contain anymore quotes that, in my eyes, helped her regain ground.
Feeling more confident is ultimately an inside job. It requires being honest with yourself, removing self-limiting beliefs and replacing old, useless mental tapes with more productive ones. It takes time, and you have to keep at it.
From my personal experience and from watching other women, there are two simple things you can do today at your job and in your business to exude confidence. The positive responses you get from these behaviors can, in turn, feed your internal sense of confidence.
1. Be Mindful of Your Words. My hunch is that the newly appointed judge didn't even consider what she was saying. She wasn't mindful that phrases like "I'm still learning" and "It never occurred to me" could communicate a lack of confidence. She just said what she was feeling. I'm sure she felt there was still a lot to learn. Almost everyone feels that way with a new job. And just about everyone has a story about being surprised how her career has evolved. I can relate, but I don't find the judge's words comforting as a citizen when what I want to know is that she can do the job. Instead, tell me something like, "I'm really looking forward to serving Virginia residents with my experience as a fair, competent judge. I'm not afraid of the tough issues." I bet she feels that way, too -- she just didn't say it.
What's the key to choosing words that exude confidence? It's choosing words that authentically communicate what you're thinking or feeling and understanding how they will positively affect the other person. Communicate to your boss, project manager, co-worker or clients that you can do something they want or need, and you'll see their confidence in you rise.
2. Don't Overexplain.The late, great Katharine Hepburn one said: "Don't overexplain, don't overcomplain." Interestingly, often the less you say, the more people assume you're competent and can get the job done. That is, with one caveat -- your body language must communicate a calm confidence and ease as well.
I've seen time and again in business a competent, intelligent woman explain to the nth degree why she made a decision, including all the background events of who said what and who did what and then what happened and so on. I cringe as I watch her stature and power seep out of the room. All that detail is just not necessary! In fact, it goes against her entire effort to be thought of as credible and to be taken seriously. It's so much more powerful to say what you want or what you did, add a few words and then shut up. If others have questions, they'll ask. And, being mindful of your words, you can decide how you want to respond.
Feeling more confident isn't something that happens in a flash, but with deliberate effort any woman can get there. Today, at work or in your business, try out these two simple ways to exude confidence and notice the response. You'll be happy you did.
During a successful, demanding, rising-through-the ranks 10-year career with America Online, Mary Foley learned that the only way to thrive in today's world is to be bold, positive and courageous -- bodacious! Download a free copy of her e-book, "Bodacious! Career: Outrageous Success for Working Women."
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